Finding true love

von Johannes Justus

Often, I am asked, “How do I find true love?” It seems that these individuals yearn for genuine and lasting relationships based on sincere and reliable behavior, rather than short-term promises. This longing pertains to the desire for a deep connection and sharing life with a partner, rather than being lured into relationships only superficially.

The latter kind of relationships is common. People might believe they don’t need to invest in relationships anymore because they already have a partner. However, it’s essential to note that at this point, one can potentially lose everything they have. In a relationship, you can’t possess; you can only be.

The search for true love can be an individual journey for each person, unfolding in different ways.

Before sending those inquiring about love on their quest, I provide them with some questions to help them gain clarity:

  1. What does true love mean to you personally?
  2. What expectations do you have for your partner in a relationship?
  3. To what extent are you willing to invest in the relationship in all areas of life?
  4. Are you looking for a partner who is there for you, or do you want a relationship where both are there for each other?

These questions could help those seeking to reflect on their own ideas and needs regarding love and relationships, creating a clear starting point for their search.

There are some general principles and recommendations that can help you find your true love. I have written them down in the order in which they helped me find my true love.


Developing Self-Love

Before seeking the love of others, it is crucial to develop a healthy self-love. If I cannot love and accept myself, how can I love others? I can only love others to the extent that I love myself. If this is not the case, I may become dependent or make others dependent on me.

Healthy self-love is the foundation for a fulfilling relationship and the basis for freedom. It is often self-hatred or a distorted sense of self-worth that poses a challenge in relationships, not the lack of self-love.

The second is thisx: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is more greater than these (Mark 12:31).


Having Clear Values

In the deep analysis of your relationship goals, you will find that the foundation for a meaningful connection lies in shared values. A solid foundation based on similar life goals and ethical principles can pave the way for a robust relationship.

Take a moment to carefully consider which values and qualities are crucial to you in a partnership. Write them down and examine them closely. Limit yourself to about five values that truly matter to you. This step requires honesty and self-reflection because it concerns your future and the creation of a meaningful relationship.

Look around you and seek people who share similar values. Having clear ideas about what you are looking for will make the search more efficient.

Go a step further and communicate openly with the person you have in mind. Inquire about their own values and principles in a relationship. It is essential to understand whether shared values are deeply rooted, not just superficial. Be prepared for the fact that working on and maintaining these values may be a lifelong task.

Remember that people are often not in love with the real person but with their own ideas about the person. By gaining clarity about your own values and openly sharing them with your potential partner, you create the foundation for an authentic relationship.


Building Trust

In any interpersonal relationship, trust plays a central role. Each partner brings individual experiences that may not necessarily promote trust. It requires a conscious effort to invest time in building and maintaining this precious asset.

Be aware that past experiences may trigger insecurities or doubts. Acknowledge these and discuss them in an open dialogue. Building trust is an ongoing process that requires time, attention, and commitment.

Ensure that mistrust does not sneak into your relationship unnoticed. Communication, openness, and mutual understanding are crucial tools for addressing potential uncertainties or misunderstandings early on.


Patience is Key

In the complex symphony of life, every melody needs its time, and love, it seems, particularly demands this time. It is an illusion to believe that immediate perfection and complete harmony in a relationship are possible. The authenticity and depth of a bond develop slowly and require patience.

Resist the urge to place yourself and your partner in the stranglehold of unattainable expectations. The pressure to strive for immediate perfection can have the opposite effect. If this person is significant to you, it requires you to surrender to the natural flow of time. Take the time to grow, understand, and accept.


Open and Authentic Communication

The role of communication in a relationship is evident. This does not mean sharing every thought indiscriminately. Rather, it is crucial to carefully consider which words are constructive and uplifting for the other person.

I often hear the claim, “I was authentic and honest.” To this, I respond with the question, “Who benefited from your angry, impulsive, and hurtful outburst?”

It is possible to clarify your thoughts and expectations and share them with your partner without attacking them. It is important to stay true to yourself. Avoid expecting your partner to already know how you feel before you initiate the conversation.

Acceptance of Mistakes

Recognizing the imperfection of every individual is central, and it is crucial to understand that mistakes are inevitable. Equally important is the willingness to grant forgiveness. The courage to admit one’s own mistakes is an act of honesty and authenticity, while covering up mistakes can be counterproductive for any relationship.

In a healthy partnership, it is essential for both parties to learn to deal with failures without harboring resentment. Making human errors is not tragic; the impact lies in the ability to learn from them and not repeat them. Each mistake carries a lesson, and the willingness to evolve not only fosters individual growth but also strengthens the bond in a relationship.


Addressing Tastes and Preferences

The saying “There’s no accounting for taste” may partly hold true, but in relationships, conflicts often arise over matters of taste. We are not here to educate the other’s taste, but it is crucial to create space for considering different preferences. Some people say, “I never have problems in my relationship; I just do what is expected.” However, whether such a life is meaningful is questionable and should be reconsidered.

Dealing with different understandings of cleanliness is a common trigger for conflicts in relationships. It is important to find a middle ground to respect the needs of both partners and create a balance.


Embarking on the Search

Love does not always knock directly on your door. It can appear in the most diverse places, events, or through encounters you may not have expected.

The saying “Opposites attract” has its exceptions. In many cases, like attracts like. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy – this way, you meet like-minded individuals and form valuable connections.

It is essential to understand that love is often unpredictable and cannot be forced. Instead of seeking “perfect” love, focus on building a deeper connection. Allow room for growth and development because each person and relationship is unique.

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